Friday, November 13, 2015

Putting Our Money Where Our Mouth Is... Literally.

Over the last week, we've been talking a lot about the new LDS policy on LGBTQ people and their children. The Mormon interwebz have been abuzz, the topic was trending on Facebook for a couple of days, countless blog posts have been written, there has been rather widespread news coverage, etc. etc. etc. MWS4A has been actively discussing it as well on this blog, twitter, and our Facebook page.

One of the questions I hear people ask is "What can I do?", and that's been on my mind as well. Talking about the new policy and it's impact is important, but taking tangible action to back up our words is important as well. I can say all day long that I love my sisters and brothers, but I need to show them as well.

So, what else can we do to help?

1. PFLAG Salt Lake City posted on Facebook that the Utah Pride Center is in need of donations.

"The Utah Pride Center is OUT of warm clothing for the homeless youth that stop in. They have wet cold kids/young adults stopping by and have nothing to give them. If you have extra coats, hats, long sleeve shirts, pant, and SOCKS, please drop them off. 255 East 400 South, Salt Lake City, UT, 84111 is the street address.The entrance is on the north side of the building. From 300 East, drive up the rainbow ramp to the parking lot. Tuesday through Friday, 3pm to 8pm are their posted public hours."
They also posted that it is possible to make a financial donation via this url. Even for those of us not local to SLC, we can help this cause by donating financially. And, of course, share the post for others on your friends list. Homelessness among LGBTQ youth is a Mormon problem since far too many LDS parents take the road of kicking their children out of the house and onto the streets when their children come out of the closet. I worry about the impact the latest policy will have on this issue that is already a concern.

In 2013, Marian Edmonds did a post titled Homeless Youth in Utah for Rational Faiths addressing this topic. Marian said

"At OUTreach Resource Center, we work with about 350 youth from all over Utah some from Idaho, with 30% reporting to us that they are homeless. They make it to our center for food and supplies, to use the Internet, and sometimes for the classes we offer. But even more important, they come to our center because they are human and we are human, and that is what they crave more than anything we can give them.The majority of the youth we work with identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender. Statewide, the numbers are about half who call themselves LGB or T, and that means the number is higher. Youth often don’t self-identify as LGBT for fear of bullying or worse. Of those roughly 50% LGBT homeless youth, 60% report that they are from Latter-day Saint homes. At OUTreach, the vast majority of the youth we serve are from Mormon homes, and far too often the reason they are living on the streets, in a camp, car or couch is because their parent said to them, “Pack your backpack and be out before dawn. Come back when you have “straightened up” or don’t come back at all.”For these youth, some as young as 14, they are left to fend for themselves. What usually happens is that as soon as they hit the street with their backpack or suitcase, a “helpful” adult offers them a ride and a couch to sleep on. The youth’s trust is misplaced when she or he is assaulted at night, or perhaps injected with drugs while she sleeps, and then enters into a life of addiction and trauma that lasts until true help is found, or too often, in tragic death. There are no numbers for homeless youth suicides, but what we do know is that one of their camps in the canyon near Salt Lake City is called Suicide Rock. Every youth I meet knows one, two or several youth who have lost their life to suicide. The epidemic of LGBT youth homelessness and suicide in Utah is inextricably linked."

Which leads to...

2. Support OUTreach Resource Centers. From their website,
"OUTreach Resource Centers is a non-profit collection of youth resource centers dedicated to transforming communities and saving lives through comprehensive programming, community advocacy, and training designed to promote positive outcomes for underserved populations."
Visit their website for more information on how to donate and/or volunteer.

3. Get involved with The Trevor Project. From their website,
"The Trevor Project is the leading national organization providing crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning (LGBTQ) young people, ages 13-24." 
You can head to their website to find out how to get involved and/or donate, as well as get more information about their lifesaving work.

4. Donate to Trans Lifeline. Their website lists their mission as this:
"We are Trans Lifeline. We provide culturally competent services to Trans and gender nonconforming people in crisis; We work with stakeholders within and without the Trans community to end the plague of Trans suicide; We empower Trans people to help other Trans people in the darkest moments of their lives."
You can visit the Trans Lifeline website to get more information about donating and/or volunteering.

5. Find a crisis line or homeless center helping LGBTQ people that's local to you and see how you can help locally.

The organizations listed here are only a few of the organizations out there doing vital lifesaving work. If you're looking for a fundraiser or service project for a group you're involved in, including youth groups (church, 4-H, etc.), you might consider contacting organizations like this to see if your group can help. If you're planning to remain a member of the Church but are looking for an alternate recipient of your tithe, you might consider sending your tithe to one of these organizations instead of to the Church. There are many ways we can make a tangible difference. Whether it's donating money, clothing/material needs, or time, we have many ways to get involved. There is a great deal of pain right now coming at the hands of the LDS Church. It seems only fitting to me that those of us who say we are upset put our money where our mouth is and back up our words with action.

Jesus gave us a commandment to love our neighbor as ourselves, and the story of The Good Samaritan - as well as many of the stories of Christ's interactions with people - show us quite clearly that He meant to love everyone, no restrictions. So let us love our neighbor and love God through our actions and our finances. Love and support make a difference and save lives.

What other organizations do you recommend? Feel free to comment or message MWS4A on Facebook with suggestions.

*Disclaimer: MWS4A has no affiliation with any of these organizations.

Thursday, November 12, 2015

Savior, May I Love My Brother


Lord, I Would Follow Thee.

"Savior, may I learn to love thee,
Walk the path that thou hast shown,
Pause to help and lift another,
Finding strength beyond my own.
Savior may I learn to love thee--
Lord, I would follow thee,

Who am I to judge another
When I walk imperfectly?
In the quiet heart is hidden
Sorrow that the eye can't see.
Who am I to judge another?
Lord, I would follow thee.

I would be my brother's keeper;
I would learn the healer's art.
To the wounded and the weary
I would show a gentle heart.
I would be my brother's keeper--
Lord, I would follow thee.

Savior, may I love my brother
As I know thou lovest me,
Find in thee my strength, my beacon,
For thy servant I would be.
Savior, may I love my brother--
Lord, I would follow thee."

This has been one of my favorite hymns for a while now. I love the tune, and I love the words even more. This is also the hymn that has been running through my head almost constantly ever since hearing the news of the new policy about LGBTQ Mormon and their children. This hymn has become the prayer of my heart.

I urge my sisters and brothers to absorb these words, In all that you do, work on loving others as a way of expressing your love for God. Regardless of how you personally feel about marriage equality, realize that there are many who are in a great deal of pain right now, that there are many of our sisters and brothers who are walking around with "sorrow that the eye can't see", and with sorrow that can be seen, and just LOVE them. Don't try to explain why they shouldn't be hurting, don't question their testimony or faith or try to call them to repentance, don't try to defend the policy that is hurting them so deeply. Practice your faith by mourning with those who mourn and by loving practically. You see, it's easy to say you love someone, but those words mean nothing unless they are accompanied by action that backs the words up.



"Savior, may I love my brother as I know thou lovest me, find in thee my strength, my beacon, for thy servant I would be. Savior, may I love my brother-- Lord, I would follow thee."

Saturday, November 7, 2015

A Love Letter to my Sisters and Brothers

If you are LGBTQ, or someone who is in any other way affected/hurt by the hateful policy from the leadership of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, this love letter is for you.

To my dear sisters and brothers,
I love you.
I. Love. You.
I LOVE you.
I love YOU.
I LOVE YOU.
I love you, I see you, I support you, and I stand with you. You matter to me, and to my family, and to many of my friends. You have infinite value and worth. You are the only one of you there is. You are a unique and beautiful creation, crafted with the utmost love and care by the God of this world, this universe, this galaxy, of all that exists, has ever existed, and will ever exist anywhere. You are amazing and wonderful.

I am so sorry for the pain that has been given you by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I know there's been plenty of it, and the latest wrong that has been done to you is a doozy. I won't try to explain it, or justify it, or make it sound pretty, or rationalize why it's really actually a good thing. You have plenty of that coming from the Church itself, from certain blogs that are popular among certain more orthodox segments of the membership, and from far too many other members directly. I won't try to make it more palatable, because I don't think I'm capable of the mental gymnastics, self-delusion, and level of burying-my-head-in-the-sand that is required to believe that bovine excrement covered in vomit is an acceptable dish to serve at dinner.

What I will do is promise you this. I will support you. I will stand with you. I mourn with you. When you rejoice, I will rejoice with you. Whether you need me to stand in front of, beside, or behind you, I will stand wherever you need me to. I will defend you and your rights. I will defend your worth. I will defend beyond eternity the fact that you are a child of God, created in God's image, deserving to be treated like a human being, deserving to be treated equal to the Prophet. I will speak up about how wrong this is. I will remind those who would seek to drive you away and denigrate your worth that Jesus says they're wrong. I will remind YOU that I love you and that God loves you and that other people love you. I will not back down from my defense of you, my sisters and brothers. I will walk with you, wherever that path takes you. I will encourage you to remain true to yourself and to do what is best for YOU, not for anyone else, because you don't we the world or the Church or me or anyone anything. And if you don't want or need me or my support, that's 100% okay. But if you need me, I am here, and I am here for you.

I love you. I want you as my family, because family is what we are. I see you. I value you. I cherish your presence in this world. You matter to me, always and forever. I support you. And i know that I keep saying I love you, and it might sound repetitive, but I don't think I can say it enough.

You have my love. You have me. You have my support. You are not alone. Jesus said to love my neighbor, so that is what I am doing, and YOU are my neighbor. I love you.

With all my love,
Esther



Image says: "If you're struggling after learning about the new LDS Church policy on children of LGBTQ couples and you need to talk to someone, please reach out.
Suicide Prevention Lifeline: (800) 273-8255
Trevor Project: (866) 488-7836
Trans Lifeline: (877) 565-8860
Also, you can message me anytime.
YOU ARE LOVED.
YOU ARE WANTED."

Graphics courtesy of Jerilyn Hassell Pool.

Thursday, August 20, 2015

Red in our Ledger, Blood on our Hands

CW: This blog post contains discussion of suicide and LGBTQ antagonism/homophobia. If you are feeling fragile and/or easily triggered with regards to these issues, you may want to not read this blog post. Know that you have our love and prayers. 

I love watching movies. One of my favorite franchises currently is the Marvel Cinematic Universe. (Note: I feel I should comment that while I enjoy the movies, I also recognize that my fave is problematic, but that's a topic for a different post or ten). In the course of The Avengers, Scarlett Johansson's character Natasha Romanoff/Black Widow comments "I've got red in my ledger." and Loki responds with "Your ledger is dripping, it's GUSHING red." Today, I thought of this conversation when I read this Facebook post from Michael Adam Ferguson.

I was just informed about a young LDS man who left his Sunday meeting services early, went home before his family got back from church, and hung himself.He was quietly fighting what he had been taught were the demons of same-sex attraction inside of his own soul. He had not disclosed this struggle to his family. Meanwhile, his mother and church leaders were outspoken in social media and offline about how society is being destroyed by gay people.My heart is broken anew with every suicide story people share with me. For anyone who still thinks like Gayle Ruzicka that it is "nothing personal" to broadcast the hateful, fear-mongering propaganda about gay men and women destroying society, blood is on your hands. For anyone who thinks LGBT people have won the culture war and we should therefore "let the crazies be crazy," you conspire with the work of destruction.(It's okay to "Like" this post--it doesn't mean you like the situation, but it does mean you like the call to attention and action. We all must do more.)


As a church and a culture/community, our ledger is gushing red. Our words, our conference talks, are directly responsible for people killing themselves, for innocent youth being kicked out of their homes. We have to stop this cycle. It's past time we stopped telling people that their sexual orientation makes them and their relationships "counterfeit". We need to do less judging and more loving. How can we call ourselves a pro-life church when our anti-LGBTQ rhetoric is causing so many deaths? Blood is on our hands. It must stop. Jesus didn't tell us "Love thy neighbor... unless they're LGBTQ." He said "Love thy neighbor." Our own scriptures say in John 13:34 "A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you." How much did Jesus love us, and how did He show that love? By dying for us. How can we say we are living this commandment from God when we are responsible for the deaths of others whom we have rejected and caused to feel worthless, hopeless, and unwanted? Our words are doing this, and it needs to stop. It should never have even started, but it did, and we need to make a conscious effort to change our course and reach out in love.

As Kalani Tonga said in the Why We Stay session at Sunstone, "I want to widen the circle of the church and make it welcoming for all. I never want anyone to hear 'I love you EVEN THOUGH.'" If we are loving people "even though they're LGBTQ", we aren't really loving them. Not truly, not 100%, not with the pure and unconditional love of God. We need to let go of "even though". We need to see the irreparable damage that we are doing to people we should be loving, reaching out to, and helping. Our church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, should be a place where everyone feels safe and welcome, not a place where people feel hurt and rejected. How can we say we are taking upon ourselves the name of Jesus Christ when we are the reason for deaths and for LGBTQ youth being disowned and tossed out on the streets?

In the words of Jerilyn Hassell Pool, "If there is one message that I would want that one young man or woman who is contemplating death by their own hand to hear from me and from my fellow Mormons, it is found in the words of the Reverend Gene Robinson, 'If you don't remember anything else, I want you to remember that you are loved beyond your wildest imaginations. The God that we know - His love is so boundless that we can all be God's favorite.'"

If we want to strengthen families, let's stop dividing them with our words of hate and rejection and strengthen ALL families with words of love and acceptance. Not acceptance if they change in accordance with how we want them to change, just acceptance for who they are.

If you are reading this and you doubt your worth, you doubt that you are loved, know this: I love you and I accept you. More importantly, our Heavenly Parents love and accept you. You have great value in the eyes of our Creator, and you are not alone. I stand with you.

My fellow Mormons, let us not allow this shameful tide of death to continue to drag us out to see. Let us change course and love everyone. Let us listen to and abide by the words of Jesus, who told us to love our neighbor. Period.

Rainbow Hands image credit: Jerilyn Hassell Pool
Post divider credit: Shabby Blogs

Friday, August 7, 2015

The FEMWOC Panel at Sunstone 2015.

Last week, I had the joy of attending the 2015 Summer Sunstone Symposium in Salt Lake City. This year, the theme was "The Mormon Mind". I'm hoping to be able to post more comprehensive coverage of some of the sessions soon. I got home just in time to have my 6 y/o start school, so things have been a little hectic this week.

What I did want to post was my tweets about the FEMWOC panel. This session is one that I wish every white Mormon, and every white Mormon Feminist and Progressive Mormon specifically, could have attend and could watch/listen to, because there was SO MUCH good stuff said. For now, I'll leave you with my few notes from twitter. I'd like to apologize for the spotty nature of the tweets. My iPad screen was giving me fits and my phone battery was dead. I plan on going through and tweeting more extensively later once I have the audio, which can be purchased here. The session number and title is 262. FEMWOC: Women of Color Crash the Bloggernacle Party. You will need to fill out the Google form and include that info.


Panel: Gina Colvin, Bryndis. Roberts, Jennifer Gonzalez, Natasha Smith, Kalani Tonga. Moderated by Anya. Tinajero.

Kalani Tonga: history of . Last Oct., several WOC came together bc of things in online community,WOC were being silenced.

Kalani Tonga: began as FB group to allow WOC somewhere to go just for them where was ok to be angry & sad & themselves.

Kalani Tonga: then evolved into the blog.

Kalani Tonga: what is to her & why this blog & community are important to her, bloggernacle,&community.

Kalani Tonga: took a long time to realize that abusive marriage was abusive since no physical violence.

Kalani Tonga: when someone is stripped of sense of dignity, power, and control, sometimes they try to regain it in weird ways.

Kalani Tonga: looks back on marriage & sees that some of it was exult of systemic racism & school-to-prison pipeline.

Kalani Tonga: thought it was more important it find someone to marry her than to find someone to love her and cherish her.

Kalani Tonga: remembers in Young Women's, hearing counsel to marry within own race. Felt unmarriageable due to mixed race.

Kalani Tonga: wants to karate chop people in neck when they say "outdated teachings" aren't harmful or marrying in race is easier.

Kalani Tonga: is a needed community to help deal with being a brown body in a white church & harmful teachings.

Natasha Smith: as kid, was convinced that if she could get to Disney & meet Mickey, he could use white gloves to turn her white.

Natasha Smith: as an autistic biracial kid w/ white mother & black father, just wanted somewhere to belong.

Natasha Smith: learned that being a good Mormon meant setting aside blackness and being a good white kid.

Natasha Smith: knows from experience that white in the Mormon church is the most righteousness.

Natasha Smith: outside the church, found ppl who accepted and loved her and thought her body was beautiful w/o needing 2 be white.

Natasha Smith: in , finds the belonging she needs.

Jennifer Gonzalez: just told us about being told that when RMs come home, the women they imagine marrying "don't look like [her]"

Jennifer Gonzalez: tired of going in dates and having t have same white fragility conversations.

Gina Colvin: was born as a safe harbor for those whose voices were silenced by white feminists.

Gina Colvin: aren't just a color, race, gender, etc. many many things all at same time.

Bryndis Robets: was born bc white MoFems weren't a safe place for WOC.

Bryndis Roberts: not being liked bc you have red hair is not the same as dealing with racism.

Bryndis Roberts: would rather take the position that we have imperfect leaders than that we have an imperfect God.

Bryndis Roberts: believes "fear of the savage black man intent on damaging sanctity of white women" was behind Church racism.

Bryndis Roberts: if we care abt pain WOC endure,do all we can to make sure none of this is ever taught to any brown child again.