Acceptable Anger, Righteous Rage

I have to apologize for my tardiness in this post. When I posted Say Their Names (a blog post memorializing the 9 victims of the shooting at Emanuel AME Church in Charleston) I said that I would soon post something about my anger and rage. I've been trying to, but life has gotten in the way of writing a cohesive and well structured blog post. But that's not really a good excuse, and it's time to end my silence.

Since the shooting, there's been no shortage of new developments. A brave woman named Bree Newsome went to the South Carolina Statehouse, climbed a flagpole, and removed the "Confederate" flag that was the offensive and racist resident of a briefly empty flagpole. She was arrested, and the flag was restored to "it's rightful place". She has since been released on bail and made a powerful statement to the Blue Nation Review, which you can read here. The internet has been abuzz with speak of this woman's brave demonstration, as we should be.

But there's a development that we haven't been talking about nearly as much as one might think: the black churches have been burning across the southern United States since the Charleston massacre. Authorities say that at least some of them were arson. Many people are quick to throw out the idea that "It could be lightning, we just don't know." Wow, what a coincidence, that lightning would suddenly strike so any black churches in such a short time period all in one specific region of the country, following a racist shooting which was accompanied by bomb threats against other black churches, especially those holding vigils. Who knew that lightning itself is racist?

I have read article after article about the shooting, the victims, their families and funerals, the shootings, police brutality, other instances of racism in America - including the racism we have faced and continue to face in the LDS Church - , about the "Confederate" flag and calls to have it removed from government buildings and what that flag represents to many black people, and especially many articles about the black churches that have been burned. I have read Facebook post after Facebook post and tweet after tweet about these issues and the pain felt by so many POC in America. Unforunately, I've read more posts than I care to from white people who are dismissive of this pain, who like to argue that "You just don't understand what that flag represents to us" or that "It's not about racism at all, it's about heritage and history", and of course "OMG the problem is that we talk about race too much, we need to stop talking about race at all and just be colorblind."

As I have read, posted my own thoughts, and listened to what is said around me, along with the grief and pain that I feel for my friends and loved ones, and for my fellow Americans and residents of this country who are POC but whom I don't even know, there is another emotion that has continued to build, which has gained more and more strength: anger.

I. Am. PISSED.

One of the reasons I haven't posted is because I have struggled to express myself without resorting to mostly cussing, because that's how I feel. Curse words don't even seem adequate to describe my rage, but they feel a whole lot more succinctly expressive of my thoughts and emotions than "This makes me angry". But, I need to find a way to express myself that goes beyond cussing, so I'm trying.

This is what I posted recently on Facebook on my personal profile after reading a story about yet another black church that burned.

"I feel sick to my stomach reading this. Everything happening in America, all the ongoing violence against POC, and there are still people who are determined to believe that racism against POC in America is a thing of the past, that "it's not about race", that we love in a post racial society.

WAKE UP!!!!!!! 

If I sound angry, it's probably because I am very angry. I am angry that this racism exists, that white people - including people I know and love - deny it's existence even while they justify it. I'm angry that this crap is happening. I'm angry at this injustice, at the systems of oppression that are so deeply rooted here in America. I'm angry at the danger that POC - including people I love dearly - have to live with. I'm angry and it is a righteous anger. 

And yet, I know that I can't even begin to imagine what it feels like for POC. My whiteness affords me a distance from the emotions, reduces the emotions I feel because I am not the target, and gives me the ability to say "I'm tired, I'm stepping away." And yet, there are white people who will argue that this white privilege doesn't exist even while they cluelessly bask in the benefits of said white privilege.

I'm angry. And I hurt and I grieve.

White America... WAKE UP!!!!"

I am angry. I feel rage at the damage that is being done in America every single day in the name of white supremacy and racism. And it's not just the overt things like burning black churches, racial profiling, killing Bible study members for their skin color, people who participate in the KKK, paying people less money based on their race and their gender, police brutality and laws that target POC, or racist jokes. It's the things that we white Progressive Mormons and Mormon feminists do that contribute, things we don't even realize are racist (usually because we're not paying attention to the POC who repeatedly TELL us that our actions are racist and hurtful and to not do that or that we're not being inclusive enough). It's the remnants of racism in LDS doctrine and culture. It's us white people who argue with POC who tell us their experiences, and our response is "But...". It's the defensive reactions of myself and other white ProgMos and MoFems when we get called out on our racism. It's our tendency to rush to apologize and make the proper symbolic gestures that this time, we've learned our lesson and see, we're going to do better... and that lasts a few days and then we promptly forget and have to be called out again later. And yes, I absolutely include myself in this, because I know good and well that I have plenty of my own anti-racist work to do, and I'm angry with myself for my own defensiveness and for not doing better despite being told and shown how to do so.

I'm angry at a country that was founded on and through white supremacy and still fights so hard against taking steps to overcome that. I'm angry at a country that continues to dismantle laws that were put in place specifically to protect the voting rights of minorities. I'm angry that when I recite the Pledge of Allegiance, I can't say "With liberty and justice for all" and be speaking the truth, because there is no liberty and/or justice for Rekia Boyd, Aiyana Stanley-Jones, Renisha McBride, Mia Henderson, Shantel Davis, Yvette Smith, Freddie Gray, Trayvon Martin, Michael Brown, Eric Garner, Tamir Rice, or a whole list of other people. I'm angry that there are so many white people out there who insist on denying that white privilege exists (much less that they have it) and who are determined to believe that we live in a post-racial society where not only is racism dead but reverse racism is a legitimate Thing where white people are the true victims of racism. I'm angry at myself for taking so long to write a post about my anger and for retreating into my cocoon of white privilege and comfort when I feel like "It's just too much", despite knowing good and well that my friends who are POC don't have that luxury. I'm angry with my white friends who think it's acceptable to argue that their theories are more valid than the lived experiences of POC.

I'm angry that I live in a world where systemic and institutional racism still exist in 2015. I'm damn well beyond pissed that 9 people who walked into a church and accepted a white man with open arms into their Bible study died at his hands because of his hatred, that they weren't able to go back home again. I'm filled with rage that black churches are not only burning but that it's less important to the white media than white people problems are.

I'm angry. I have rage. And for those who say "But WWJD!!! Forgiveness!!!", I would like to take this moment to reiterate what Awesomely Luvvie had to say:

"Meanwhile, as per usual people are already fixing their mouths to call for peace, invoking the name of Christ. Man, please. Remember that even Jesus flipped a table. Christ was DONE with folks' shenanigans."

I am angry, and it is an acceptable anger.  In my anger, I don't know exactly everything to do, besides working on improving my anti-racist work and intersectionality. What I do know is that I have heard time and again from friends who are POC that it is important that I listen to what they have to say, and that it is important that I use my voice to speak up for them and to express my anger, to let them know that they are not alone and that I see and hear their pain and that I validate their feelings. And that, today, is what I want to say. I see you. I hear you. I validate you. I am sorry for the pain you have endured and continue to endure. You matter. Your pain and anger matter. Black Lives Matter.

Say Their Names

Since the shooting last week at Emanuel AME Church, , I have struggled with what to say. The usual buzzwords of "How awful! That's horrible! Absolutely terrible!" have felt like trite cliches that don't adequately convey the furious strength of my anger or the deep and soul-rending sorrow I've felt at this cowardly and racist act of terrorism. Because I am angry. Very angry. Shocked? Sadly, no. Pissed off? Absolutely, and then some. But if there's one thing I hate when I'm mourning a loss, it's people throwing trite cliches at me. "She's in a better place now.", "She was too perfect for earth.", "God just wanted his angel home.", and "There's a reason for everything." will drive me to the edge of civility. Since I don't like when people say what they think they're supposed to say without putting in the effort to come up with something slightly original, I try very hard not to do it.

I have also worried that my words would be a distraction, that I - speaking from a place of white privilege - might say the wrong thing and cause further hurt. I have worried that it might not be my place to speak, that I should instead focus on amplifying and promoting the words being spoken by authors who are People of Color. And there are many, many such blog posts, articles, twitter accounts, and Facebook posts to promote and amplify, words eloquently spoken. I have tried to step aside, to sit and listen, to share their voices and their words. Because theirs are the perspectives of lived experiences. No matter how upset I am or how hard I try to understand, I can never have the same perspectives as Luvvie Ajayi, Bryndis Roberts, A'Driane Nieves, Kelly Wickham, Feminista Jones, Kalani Tonga, Janan Russell, or so many other incredible Women of Color. Their voices are vital, and it's important that I - and other white people (including... or especially?... feminists) try not to speak over them.

But it is important that we speak out. I have heard time and again that white silence kills, white silence and fragility are part of the problem, and those of us who wish to try to be allies, including those of us who are trying to practice an inclusive and intersectional feminism, need to speak. And I want to speak, because I feel so much and silence has it's time and place but can also be taken to far. I need to speak, I need to add my voice and my words, my vocal support.

But... what do I say? Where do I start?

I can start by saying the names of the 9 people who were killed in Charleston and celebrating their lives. Because theirs are the names we should know, their names are the ones that should be trending on Facebook and Twitter. This amazing image came across my Instagram and Facebook feed, for that precise purpose: focusing on the victims instead of the terrorist.

(C) Sarah Green

In days to come, I'll post my anger. But for now, I say their names.

~Rev. Sharonda Singleton~

~Tywanza Sanders~

~Rev. Clementa Pinckney~

~Cynthia Hurd~

~Ethel Lee Lance~

~Myra Thompson~

~Rev. Daniel L. Simmons, Sr.~

~Rev. DePayne Middleton-Doctor~

~Susie Jackson~

We will not forget you. We will remember you. I will remember you. I will honor you. I will remember your names and teach them to my children. I will tell them about your love for God and for the people around you. May you rest in the peace of God as you stand now in His presence. I stand ready to fight for you and for all my sisters and brothers, but your work is done. Your memories will continue to inspire us, but you are home in the arms of your Savior now.

Take Me Home by Lisbeth Scott

FEMWOC Signal Boost... Radical Resistance: A Brief History of the Black Christian Church.

TW: Charleston shooting, racism

On the evening of June 17, 2015, a white man walked into Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal (AME) Church and, after sitting in a bible study for a while, pulled out a gun and began shooting. 9 people have been confirmed dead, including the pastor of the church and state senator The Rev. Clementa Pinckney. The shooter made comments which made it clear that this act of terrorism was born of racism, of white hatred for black people,

Today, we mourn with Charleston. We mourn with the families who have lost loved ones. We mourn with Emanuel AME Church. We mourn and grieve with all those whose skin color makes them vulnerable to violence here in the United States. We are angry at the cowardly act of terror that was perpetrated in a house of worship, all because someone thought their skin color made them superior. This is the white supremacy that permeates America's history and remains a battle to be fought today.

Today, it is important that we examine American history and find context for this act, that we realize that this is not a sudden event with no precedent. Dr. Fatimah S. Salleh has written a guest post over on the femwoc blog, giving us a brief history of black Christian churches which provides us this much needed context and understanding. Please go read Radical Resistance: A Brief History of the Black Christian Church and take the words to heart. Ponder what you as an individual can do to help fight this issue and to combat racism in your home and in your church. I hope that this coming Sunday, white Mormons will stand up in our meetings and speak to condemn the terrorism and sickness of racism. But to do this, we must listen and learn. Let us do that now at the feet of Dr. Salleh.

Note: If you are looking for a way to help, please consider going to Emanuel AME Church's website and making a donation to the church.