Mourn With Those That Mourn

Photo credit: Esther Dale

I wasn't always a Mormon. I grew up mainstream protestant and eventually joined the Roman Catholic Church. In fact, I was Catholic when I married my husband, who had grown up Mormon. We had an agreement in place for how we would handle attending church together as a family (switch which service we attended together, so it was Mass one week and Sacrament Meeting the next) and that we would respect the faith of the other and not try to convert each other. Eventually, I realized that the LDS Church was an entirely different creature than I had been raised to think it was, fell in love (especially with Relief Society), and I was baptized the summer of 2009, a few months after giving birth to our oldest daughter.

I learned, heard, and read many things over the course of the time between when I first started attending church with my husband. One of the things I remember hearing and reading about that stood out to me the most was that Mormons covenant to bear one another's burdens and mourn with those who mourn. It is in our scriptures, in Mosiah 18: 8-10.

"8: And it came to pass that he said unto them: Behold, here are the waters of Mormon (for so were they called) and now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another's burdens, that they may be light; 

9: Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all paces that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life - 

10: Now I say unto you, if this be the desire of your hearts, what have you against being baptized in the name of the Lord, as a witness before him that ye have entered into a covenant with him, that ye will serve him and keep his commandments, that he may pour out his Spirit more abundantly upon you?"

That was one of the scripture passages that helped solidify my decision to be baptized into the LDS Church when I was doing the discussions and considering becoming a member, and it remains one of my favorite passages today. It ties in so beautifully with the ministry of Christ when He was here on earth. If we look at His life, we see that he did exactly this. And it always reminds me of the Beautitudes, Jesus' Sermon on the Mount. In Matthew 5: 4, Jesus says "Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.".

There is a great deal of beauty in this. We are a community, we have taken upon ourselves the name of Jesus Christ. It's in our Church name: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We are charged with uplifting one another, sharing each others burdens, helping one another, and walking together in love and companionship. We are to "mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort."

We're FANTASTIC at doing this under many circumstances. When disaster strikes? We're there to help with whatever is needed. Cleanup, rescue efforts, rebuilding, translating, whatever. When there's a death in one of our wards, the Relief Society pulls together to do lunch after the service, so the loved ones left behind can go sit down and eat without having to worry about cleanup, getting food together, etc. When people need help with moving? We're on it. Someone has surgery or a new baby or illness in the family? We take them food, help with dishes/laundry/housework/watch kids so new mom can get a nap, whatever. The Relief Society has a whole committee dedicated to helping people: the Compassionate Service Committee. And we don't just help those who are members, we're happy to help other people. When it comes to meeting the tangible physical needs of others in these circumstances and many more I haven't listed, we tend to rock. I do realize this is not true across the board, as I have had friends who had trouble even getting a meal brought to their house while on bedrest for preterm labor. So we have room for improvement everywhere. But generally speaking, we tend to be known for our service to others, it's something we take great pride in. And that is awesome, because helping people who need it is fantastic and much needed.

That said, there are a lot of times when we really, really, really suck at "mourn[ing] with those that mourn" and "comfort[ing] those that stand in need of comfort". An example that sticks out in my mind has to do with Church members over the last few years who have been excommunicated or  subjected to other forms of Church Discipline as a result of their support for Ordain Women, marriage equality, Mormon feminism in general, publicly expressing doubts and questions, talking about our history of polygamy, etc.

in 2014, Kate Kelly - the founder of Ordain Women - was excommunicated. Even though I am not a member of Ordain Women, nor do I actively support women holding the Priesthood (I'm still on the fence on the whole issue), I was heartbroken for Kate, her family, her loved ones, and all the members of Ordain Women who had just been sent a loud message that was at odds with President Uchtdorf's beautiful talk titled "Come, Join with Us" at the October 2013 General Conference. Among other things, President Uchtdorf said

"Some might say 'I just don't fit in with you people in the Church.' If you could see into our hearts, you would probably find that you fit in better than you suppose. You might be surprised to find that we have yearnings and struggles and hopes similar to yours. Your background or upbringing might seem different from what you perceive in many Latter-day Saints, but that could be a blessing. Brothers and sisters, dear friends, we need your unique talents and perspectives. The diversity of persons and peoples all around the globe is a strength of this Church." 

These words, which had felt like balm to many MoFem and ProgMo [1] souls when they were spoken by President Uchtdorf in 2013, were suddenly confusing as cognitive dissonance set in, as many suddenly struggled to make sense of a massive disconnect between words and actions. And this has continued to be the case. The gleeful gloating of many who oppose Ordain Women didn't help anything.

Since then, others have had temple recommends taken or other disciplinary actions handed down because of their support for marriage equality and LGBTQ rights, and other issues. And every time it happens, even as I cry with and for my sisters and brothers who are hurting, I am amazed at the response of too many people who call themselves Mormon: they cheer.

They. Cheer.

Mormons. What are we DOING? WHY are we exultant at the pain of others? Why are we gleeful when others hurt? Why is it that the response to "This has happened and it hurts me." is too often "Well I don't see why. Whatever."? And don't try to tell me it's not, because people have said it directly to me, and to others in conversations I was privy to.

It's happening again. Kristy Money, a member of Ordain Women and a Mormon feminist I have come to love and admire, has been effectively muzzled. She has had her Temple Recommend stripped and been told she is not allowed to speak in Church. And people are once again showing a callous disdain and disregard for her pain and the pain of her family and friends. What is wrong with us?

I've put a lot of thought into this, and I'd like to share with you an observation I've made.

There seems to be this idea that you have to agree with some to mourn with them. Not so. I am not a member of Ordain Women, I have issues with the organization and some of their methods, and I'm not exactly BFFs with Kate Kelly. But you better believe that when one of their members is in pain over Church discipline, I hurt for and with them. We don't feel like we have to know someone who has died in order to mourn with their family and friends, to feel for them and serve them and try to alleviate some of their discomfort, so why do we think this is different when it's hurt at the hands of the Church (to include leadership at the local level)? You don't have to agree with someone to be a decent human being when they are in pain.

The admonition and covenant to mourn with and comfort those who need it doesn't contain a clause saying 'this scripture only applies if you 100% agree with everything the person says or does or every organization they are affiliated with. Nope. That's not in there. I can understand not wanting to be perceived as agreeing with a cause you oppose (or are ambivalent about, or whatever). I 100% understand that. But we can still be considerate and thoughtful and obey our scriptural and doctrinal mandates, abide by our covenants, as laid down in Mosiah.

How?

There are many ways. You can reach out and say "I'm sorry you're hurting.", take them a card that says "I'm thinking of you", see if they'd like you to bring them a meal while they wrestle with what they're going through, continue to get together with them just as friends, and many other ways. Just let them know you love them and that you see their pain and you hurt with them. Be the voice among your circle of friends that says "I will mourn with those who mourn."Have a Sunday School, Relief Society, Elder's Quorum, or Sacrament Meeting talk about the passage of scripture I have quoted. There are many ways to support someone who is hurting, none of which require you to say "Here, let me join your movement/cause/go to a parade with you/whatever." All it requires is the love of God.

We Mormons are good at many things (Funeral Potatoes, anyone). But there are areas in which we still have a great deal of room left for improvement. Please, let's make this a priority. Let's live up to our covenants and our scriptures. Let us mourn with those that mourn.

[1]
MoFem = Mormon feminist
ProgMo - Progressive Mormon

FEMWOC Signal Boost: Kalani Tonga on Dajerria Becton and McKinney, TX.

Recently, a young woman by the name of Dajerria Becton made national news when she was the victim of police brutality during the raid on a pool party in McKinney, TX. Dajerria Becton is the 14-year old bikini-clad girl who was thrown to the ground face first by a police officer who then proceeded to sit on her. This specific act was reprehensible, and the police chief himself said that the actions of the officer in question (who has since resigned) were "indefensible".

Growing up, I was taught that the police are to be trusted. If I was ever in trouble, I was to find the nearest police officer/firefighter/paramedic and ask for help. I grew up with my white skin affording me the privilege and security of assuming that all police could be trusted to do the right thing and treat me with dignity and respect, to help me, to uphold the law. Sadly, this is not the reality for everyone.

A friend of mine, Kalani Tonga, a blogger for femwoc, recently wrote a post titled "McKinney, Texas: Why My Kids Will Learn that Cops Can't Be Implicitly Trusted."Please read it, absorb it, take it to heart. If you as a white person feel the urge to respond defensively, instead of giving in to that reaction, sit with your discomfort and examine deep within yourself why you feel that defensiveness and where the work is that you need to do. Because all of us who are white - very much including white MoFems - have work that we need to do within ourselves and ways we an improve our intersectionality. I most certainly include myself in this. So let's read what Kalani has to say and take her words to heart. And while you're at it, check out the entirety of femwoc. It's a valuable resource for us to sit and learn from.

Link to Kalanis' post: http://femwoc.com/2015/06/08/mckinney-texas-why-my-kids-will-learn-that-cops-cant-be-implicitly-trusted/

Say Their Names

Since the shooting last week at Emanuel AME Church, , I have struggled with what to say. The usual buzzwords of "How awful! That's horrible! Absolutely terrible!" have felt like trite cliches that don't adequately convey the furious strength of my anger or the deep and soul-rending sorrow I've felt at this cowardly and racist act of terrorism. Because I am angry. Very angry. Shocked? Sadly, no. Pissed off? Absolutely, and then some. But if there's one thing I hate when I'm mourning a loss, it's people throwing trite cliches at me. "She's in a better place now.", "She was too perfect for earth.", "God just wanted his angel home.", and "There's a reason for everything." will drive me to the edge of civility. Since I don't like when people say what they think they're supposed to say without putting in the effort to come up with something slightly original, I try very hard not to do it.

I have also worried that my words would be a distraction, that I - speaking from a place of white privilege - might say the wrong thing and cause further hurt. I have worried that it might not be my place to speak, that I should instead focus on amplifying and promoting the words being spoken by authors who are People of Color. And there are many, many such blog posts, articles, twitter accounts, and Facebook posts to promote and amplify, words eloquently spoken. I have tried to step aside, to sit and listen, to share their voices and their words. Because theirs are the perspectives of lived experiences. No matter how upset I am or how hard I try to understand, I can never have the same perspectives as Luvvie Ajayi, Bryndis Roberts, A'Driane Nieves, Kelly Wickham, Feminista Jones, Kalani Tonga, Janan Russell, or so many other incredible Women of Color. Their voices are vital, and it's important that I - and other white people (including... or especially?... feminists) try not to speak over them.

But it is important that we speak out. I have heard time and again that white silence kills, white silence and fragility are part of the problem, and those of us who wish to try to be allies, including those of us who are trying to practice an inclusive and intersectional feminism, need to speak. And I want to speak, because I feel so much and silence has it's time and place but can also be taken to far. I need to speak, I need to add my voice and my words, my vocal support.

But... what do I say? Where do I start?

I can start by saying the names of the 9 people who were killed in Charleston and celebrating their lives. Because theirs are the names we should know, their names are the ones that should be trending on Facebook and Twitter. This amazing image came across my Instagram and Facebook feed, for that precise purpose: focusing on the victims instead of the terrorist.

(C) Sarah Green

In days to come, I'll post my anger. But for now, I say their names.

~Rev. Sharonda Singleton~

~Tywanza Sanders~

~Rev. Clementa Pinckney~

~Cynthia Hurd~

~Ethel Lee Lance~

~Myra Thompson~

~Rev. Daniel L. Simmons, Sr.~

~Rev. DePayne Middleton-Doctor~

~Susie Jackson~

We will not forget you. We will remember you. I will remember you. I will honor you. I will remember your names and teach them to my children. I will tell them about your love for God and for the people around you. May you rest in the peace of God as you stand now in His presence. I stand ready to fight for you and for all my sisters and brothers, but your work is done. Your memories will continue to inspire us, but you are home in the arms of your Savior now.

Take Me Home by Lisbeth Scott

FEMWOC Signal Boost... Radical Resistance: A Brief History of the Black Christian Church.

TW: Charleston shooting, racism

On the evening of June 17, 2015, a white man walked into Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal (AME) Church and, after sitting in a bible study for a while, pulled out a gun and began shooting. 9 people have been confirmed dead, including the pastor of the church and state senator The Rev. Clementa Pinckney. The shooter made comments which made it clear that this act of terrorism was born of racism, of white hatred for black people,

Today, we mourn with Charleston. We mourn with the families who have lost loved ones. We mourn with Emanuel AME Church. We mourn and grieve with all those whose skin color makes them vulnerable to violence here in the United States. We are angry at the cowardly act of terror that was perpetrated in a house of worship, all because someone thought their skin color made them superior. This is the white supremacy that permeates America's history and remains a battle to be fought today.

Today, it is important that we examine American history and find context for this act, that we realize that this is not a sudden event with no precedent. Dr. Fatimah S. Salleh has written a guest post over on the femwoc blog, giving us a brief history of black Christian churches which provides us this much needed context and understanding. Please go read Radical Resistance: A Brief History of the Black Christian Church and take the words to heart. Ponder what you as an individual can do to help fight this issue and to combat racism in your home and in your church. I hope that this coming Sunday, white Mormons will stand up in our meetings and speak to condemn the terrorism and sickness of racism. But to do this, we must listen and learn. Let us do that now at the feet of Dr. Salleh.

Note: If you are looking for a way to help, please consider going to Emanuel AME Church's website and making a donation to the church.

Strengthen and defend families: fight polygamy and human trafficking

The LDS Church in America puts a lot of time, energy, and money into "strengthening and defending families" in the form of fighting tooth and nail against marriage equality for legally consenting adults and anything else which gives equality to LGBTQ people. After all, we can't have equal rights for the gayz, we might catch it and our marriages might fall apart and, and, and, because reasons. What we don't talk about nearly as much as we should is human trafficking and predatory polygamist groups. And when we do, it's usually us talking about it as "a problem that other countries have". Unfortunately, we are really good at overlooking the fact that polygamy and human trafficking are a problem right here in the United States. And for the Church, it's in our very backyard, in Utah, where our Church headquarters is located.

I have recently begun to be more aware of this issue as Lindsay Hansen Park has done some incredible work with fMh's podcast and exploring not only LDS polygamist history starting with the wives of Joseph Smith, but also the current practice. Lindsay has become something of a subject matter expert among MoFem and ProgMo circles as she has delved deeper and deeper into these issues. I am proud to call her a friend. Her podcasts and her FB posts have been extremely enlightening and educational.

Recently, she shared this Facebook post by the Sound Choices Coalition.

Ugh. Ugh, ugh, ugh. Child brides. Incest. Abuse. Predatory practices. Forced child labor.On and on and on. And they have their hands in everything in Utah. Right in our backyard. And here we are, fighting to keep legally consenting adults from being able to get married, adopt, and general have equal rights if they are LGBTQ, but we are ignoring this? We hear General Conference Talks about the threats to families and society, but we aren't including this kind of crap in that. We hear GC talks calling LGBTQ lives "counterfeit". We hear GC talks and talks in church all the time about the threats pornography, women's bodies, and LGBTQ people pose, but where are the talks about the threats and damage done by groups like the Kingstons?

We need to wake up. We need to stand up and fight against this type of thing. We need to fight the Kingstons and all their ilk. We need to fight the Warren Jeffs of the world. Yes, we will have to confront our own messy history of polygamy in the process, but it's time to shine light in the dark corners of our history and sweep away the cobwebs so we may help and love those who need us. We need to be a voice for those whose voices have been silenced, or who have never been permitted to have a voice. Lives are being LOST to the Kingstons, why are we sitting idly by? In our silence and inaction, we make ourselves complicit. Edmund Burke hit the nail on the head when he said "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."

Will you stand up and speak, nay, SHOUT from the rooftops? Will you join me in throwing off silence and comfort to be the hands of Jesus? 

If you are interested in ways to get involved, check out the following resources (and, of course, go listen to the fMh podcast to educate yourself more on the historic and contemporary practices of polygamy in America, especially Utah).

Holding Out H.E.L.P.

Sound Choices Coalition

What Is Scripture?

Photo credit: LDS.org

I love the scriptures. The scriptures are an essential part of my beliefs and my faith. The scriptures provide me a guide to how Christ wants me to live and to love. Among other things, The Pearl of Great Price provides us with the Articles of Faith, the 13 beliefs central to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The scriptures tell me how much God loved me, and how much God loved the entire world. The scriptures tell me that God wants me to love others the same way God loves me. The scriptures tell me the story of what Jesus did to provide me with salvation. The scriptures are precious and sacred, they tell us how to live.

Unforunately, we sometimes get a little mixed up about what, exactly, constitutes scripture in the COJCOLDS. Sometimes we quote The Family: A Proclamation to the World and say "It's scripture!!!!!". We may quote General Conference talks and say "It was said at GC, it's scripture." This is often used to justify bigotry and discrimination. Most visibly in recent years, this is used to justify unloving speech towards members of the LGBTQ community and to justify opposition to marriage equality. Here's the problem: The Family is not scripture. General Conference talks are not scripture.

I realize that this can be confusing, so let's take a look at what, exactly, constitutes scripture according to the Church's definition. After all, isn't that what we should be going by?

According to the Church website posting of the manual "Scripture Study - The Power of the Word Teacher Manual", "The standard works are the official body of written scripture for the Church." The website goes on to quote Elder Harold B. Lee, who said "If anyone teaches beyond what the scriptures teach, we may put it down as speculation except one man who has the right to bring forth any new doctrine - that is the one man who holds the keys - the prohet, seer, and revelator who presides in that high place. And no one else. If anyone presures to bring forth what he claims to be new doctrine you may know that it is purely his own opinion and you label it as such regardless of his position in the Church. If it contradicts something that is in the scriptures, you may label it immediately as false. That is why we call the scriptures our four Standard Church Works. They are the standrads by which we measure all doctrine and if anything is taught which is contrary to that which is in the scirptures, it is false. It is just that simple" (Viewpoint of a Giant," 6)." and "If it is not in the standard works, we may well assume that it is speculation, man's own personal opinion;" ("Using the Scriptures in Our Church Assignments, Improvement Era, Jan. 1969, 13)"

These quotes from Lesson 1 of the manual on the Church website tell us what constitutes scripture. The lesson also goes on to tell us that "Scripture becomes part of the standard works through the process of canonization.". 

TLDR version? According to the Church website, our scriptures consist of the canonized Standard Works. These are the Holy Bible, thee Book of Mormon, the Doctrine & Covenants, and the Pearl of Great Price. The Family: A Proclamation to the World is not canonized, is not a part of the Standard Works, and thus is not scripture. Neither are the many talks we hear at General Conference automatically scripture. They are only scripture if they go through the process of canonization.

It is my hope that this post can be of use to us as we engage in dialogue about the various issues we face in today's world. Scripture is good, but let's be careful that we know what is actually scripture and don't set ourselves up in opposition to the Church by claiming something is scripture that is not... such as... The Family...

*Note* Edited to add SS of the lds.org definition of "scripture".